New Year, new post

Well it's been awhile. For many reasons- reasons known to me, and reasons I don't remember because it's been awhile- I've taken a hiatus from blogging. Maybe in the upcoming posts, I explain some of those reasons. But for now, know that I am back in a blogging mind-frame, and will be posting more often again.

Prayer for others

God makes it clear that we are to pray for fellow believers. We are to pray constantly for our brothers and sisters in Christ. This is a command for all aspects of life and during all times. Prayer for our fellow brothers and sisters is not to be tainted by our own will or our own motives. Prayer needs to be of God and to God in order to be lifted up to God in a proper and edifying way of giving glory to God. Jesus prayed to the extent of praying that if it was God's will then let it be so... and Jesus is the ultimate example, so too should we pray this way.

At the crux of the situation, if your prayer is most helpful to your brother and hurtful to you, then I believe that is when prayer is most God honoring. To know that you are asking God for something that will help your brother in Christ and not help you- even hurt you- makes you realize that you are on the right track. Man's instincts as a fallen race is to put your needs in front of others. When you pray putting your brother's needs before yours is praying God's way. Putting others before self... servanthood at it's most basic form. God's been impressing this in my heart lately. It's certainly not easy to do, but after I pray that way, my heart is lightened and I feel more at peace with the situation.

Fasting

Up until this week, I have never thought about fasting. I thought it was for people who were religiously pious and for Christians who wanted to experience a heightened perception of God. But in the past few months and weeks, God has given me examples of Christians whom I know and respect who have fasted. But it really didn't come to mind until I read Gerald's post about fasting. In it he wrote:

Fasting in Scripture is typically associated with great need. We fast because we have a desperate desire to hear from God in this matter, at this time. It is the natural expression of our soul-hunger for God. We fast because our circumstances, whether personal or corporate, have grown beyond us. We fast because we need the grace of God to shower upon us in fresh new ways.

I reread the whole thing again, because this is what I going through. I didn't want to call upon God to answer my prayers and go about the rest of my day like every other day. Rather, I wanted God to supply me with everything my body would need for that day. I wanted to rely on God's strength, not my own.

I honestly cannot say that God worked through my fasting any more than if I had not fasted, but I did feel more at peace with my situation. It felt good to know that all of my problems of the day were now up to God. It felt good to know that if God could get me through the day physically. It reminded me that if God is in control of my physical well being, then how much more is he in control of any other problem or situation in my life. It felt like God was sharing my yoke of burdens that much more with me.

So, do I still think fasting is bad? Absolutely not. But I do think it needs to be practiced with caution and humility. For me, it was hard for me to not boast to others that I was fasting. The temptation is to make it look like I am more "Christian" than you, and I think that is what I always thought of before trying it myself. I also found myself thinking about all the physical benefits of fasting. Knowing that one can lose a few pounds here and there if fasting occurs on a regular basis takes away from what fasting is all about. Fasting needs to be approached just as seriously as any other form of communication with God.

Why I don't lead well

I've come to a point in my life where I realize I need to step up my game in the leadership department. Whether spiritual or not, my leadership abilities are not where they should be given where I am in my life. I have knowledge of what it looks like to lead, but I have a hard time putting that into practice. Whether at work, discipling a younger believer, or being a man I need to be a leader in some regard.

As I look back at my life, I know there have been some events in my history that have shaped the way I approach leadership. I can think of more examples of times that have led me further away from true leadership than I can of times that have pushed me towards.

First off, I feel like I have a right to blame society, at least partially, for my leadership or lack thereof. I feel like in today's society men have become more passive. I see a lot of that coming from the push for equal treatment of women and their lesser dependence on men. I see some of it coming from a society that embraces choice and freedom of choice making it hard for men to choose an absolute answer in fear of stepping on feet. But I would be remiss if I blamed society for my personal downfalls.

I have never been in a friendship where I was the decision maker. From childhood I chose to be around people who chose for me. My best friends from high school are both doers. They want it, so they go and get it. That translates to my life by going with the flow. I rarely, in high school, decided what the group was doing because my friends did that. To this day, most of my friendships are still that way. I'm comfortable with being in those friendships because that is what I'm used to.

I've never been in a relationship. As admirable as that sounds coming from a Christian mindset, I think that has done me an injustice. By not being in a relationship, I have yet had to prove myself to be the leader of the relationship. Often times my lack of decision hurts my relationships with my sisters in Christ because they desire for me to be a leader, but I'm too easy going and indecisive to be the leader they want.

This is compounded even more by experiences in high school that have shaped my confidence. The two times I desired to go to a school function dance with a date, I put myself out on the line and the girls took advantage of that. The first one agreed but ultimately did what she wanted to do for the night, and the second agreed and then went back on her word. I think those two interactions have really shaped who I am today. I never was comfortable with putting myself out on the line and after those events I disliked it even more. While I realize that to base my whole life on two high school girls' actions is ridiculous, I find it hard to put into practice.

My family takes a big part in this as well. I love my family dearly and thank God for them, but I have never felt like I've been able to make my own decisions. Sure my family lets me make decisions, but my decisions have been unintentionally narrowed down for me. My parents still support me, so ultimately I have to abide under their leadership. My older brother paves the way so certain things are expected of me. All of these "good" things in my life have created a barrier to develop another "good" thing; leadership.

I have had one major experience that has taught me most of what I know about leadership. That experience was going to Summer Training Program with the Navigators. I was in the unique position where I worked under the program director while it was still in the planning phase. I had access to my campus' list of who was going, and the director left it to me to spearhead uniting the participants of our campus. I learned probably more about leadership in the 2 months prior to leaving for the program than I learned in all of my first year of college. I further learned more about leadership once I was at the program than I had just learned in those 2 months prior to leaving. To this day, I still rely on my leadership experiences from that summer.

How does knowing that I need to be a leader translate into doing? I know that my answers need to be centered around God. I know that Jesus is the ultimate model. I know that he calls me to be a leader. Yes, all of that motivates me, but my heart is still scarred by my past. I know my scars will heal, but the time factor is what hurts the most.

Singleness revisited

So 2 years a and few months ago I wrote about my "current" state of singleness here. Today I still sit single. Some things have changed, others have not. First, the things that haven't changed.

In some ways I see myself in much the same limbo as 2 years ago. I'm still in a state of transition in my life and my convictions on leading are still not up to par. Those two reasons are so paramount that I haven't seen a reason to date yet. But my convictions have somewhat changed in that I no longer see dating as the end means. I have used 'date' to mean 'court' and I no longer feel convicted to use 'date' to take the place of 'courting'. At the time when I was convicted to use the term 'courting' I was younger than 18. I am now 23 and any dating I do has a potential to lead to 'courting' or marriage. I think I was using my definition of dating to hide behind my insecurities of stepping out in faith to ask someone out. That being said, here are the changes in my life.

I honestly can say that I'm not bitter about being single. I think the bitterness of 2 years ago came from the fact that nearly 3/4 of my friends were either in a serious relationship or engaged or married. In other words, I was jealous that they were in relationships and I wasn't. Now that all of those friends are married I think it's a different ballgame. I'm not bitter, but I do think I'm missing out. With my married friends, they have distanced themselves away from me, and I from them. I never liked being a third wheel when they were dating, and even moreso now that they're married. So instead I've surrounded myself (and maybe this is the work of God) with single people who have the same battles as I do. I have 5 solid guys who are encouraging to be around, and who share my singleness.

Over the past two years, as mentioned above, I've been to about 20 weddings. Sure, after going to each wedding I realized that I was still indeed single and another set of friends were moving on into 'married bliss', but for me the weddings weren't hard save for one or two. I mostly saw them for what they were; two of my friends uniting into one under God. That thought trumped any other thought that came into my mind. The hardest one for me was the last one I went to this fall. Not only were some of my friends there that had been married for almost a year, but there was also another one of my friends there who was single. She has had it rough. All of her close friends have gotten married over the past two years and she still isn't in a relationship. So, it rubbed off on me.

The biggest reason why I'm no longer bitter is that I realize it's my fault for still being single. Unlike my friend who is still a single lady, I can do something about my singleness, which is to sack up and ask some girl. Yet, here I sit, still single so I must not want to date right now. In fact, this past year I have done more than a lot of my married friends and for that I'm not envious of them. I still continue to learn more about myself each and every day, thanks to the Holy Spirit working in me. I'm confident that God is using this time in my life to prepare me for a future relationship. I don't know if that relationship will end up in marriage or in friendship, but I know that it will be in God's timing not my own.

Grace in Life

It's amazing how God works through life's trials. This past week the Spirit has been convicting me on too many things to list. One of the areas that the Spirit's been teaching me is in the area of grace. I know this because not only did I come across grace through talks with friends, but this weeks bible study was about God's Grace and Sufficiency. To a non-believer that seems like a lot of coincidence, but for me that's a God thing.

In bible study we talked about the difference between grace and mercy. A.W. Tozer puts it this way in Knowledge of the Holy. "As mercy is God's goodness confronting human misery and guilt, so grace is His goodness directed toward human debt and demerit. It is by His grace that God imputes merit where none previously existed and declares no debt to be where one had been before." And again, "Grace is the good pleasure of God that inclines Him to bestow benefits upon the undeserving."

That is very comforting to know that God bestows grace upon the undeserving such as me. I only hope that as Christians we too can hand out grace to each other as generously as God does.

Confrontation and the Status Quo

This past week was difficult for me. As I now see, it was hard because my character was challenged. This last week was the first time in a long time I felt like I could have blown up on somebody; saying things I did not mean to say, yet saying them because I was so frustrated with the situation. During my weekly accountability time with some of my brothers in Christ, they saw me in a different light. A light that I choose not to show very often. As one of the guys put it, he saw fire in my eyes.

As the week unfolded, I felt like my willingness to serve had been taken advantage of. While I am in a unique situation to bear a large amount of responsibility, I found it hard to accept all of the responsibility handed me.

The problem I saw was that I was handed the task of making a huge part of an event fall into place. Sure I can handle that in a normal situation; however I was given 4 days to make it happen. It would have been fine if I had been part of the planning from square one, but it's an entirely different ballgame to assume the load 4 days from the event.

That was the problem. How did I react? I'm not sure. I would like to say I reacted rationally and clear headed. But I'm still not positive that's how I approached things. Given the short notice of my problem, I tried to confront the problem on short notice terms. My justification was that things would continue down the path of me taking more and more responsibility; unless I said something quickly. I was given the responsibility on Tuesday, gave it a day to become a little more level headed, and on Thursday I confronted the situation.

My current struggles arise from how things panned out. I realized Wednesday as I was rationally thinking through my actions that some of my frustration came from past wrongs that I decided to let slip. So Thursday's confrontation was more than confronting the current situation to encompass past and present problems. In my speech, I thought I was level-headed and non-condescending, but firm.

So as I start a new week I am searching for an equilibrium level between confrontation (hard love) and grace. I have previously thought that I should abound in grace much like Jesus and leave the hard love for God. But I have experienced this past week that hard love needs to be present. Even Jesus (my ultimate model) confronted the people selling sacrifices in the temple, so that God could shine through.

Guardedness

People say I'm guarded, rightfully so. I choose to be a very guarded person when I'm around people. Not so much around one or two people, but around groups. I tend to view groups as having a different dynamic about them. That as a whole, a group can be less merciful and more eager to pounce on an individual person. I know because in a large group setting that's what I tend to do. I often shift the focus off of me and onto someone else to protect my ego and pride. I can dish the heat much more than I can handle the heat. I would much rather let people think I'm a good and humble christian, than to let them see that I have just as many faults and weaknesses as the "sinners" do. That my life is easy because I'm a "new creation in Christ", but only because I put up a front and say that my life is fine when really it isn't. I know my life is hard, because as a Christian it should be; it should be difficult because we are called to be a light to others in dark places. That in itself is hard, let alone fighting off satan's attacks against my flesh.

I often pass off guardedness as an excuse to be a good listener to others. I would rather "help" someone else with their problems, only to escape my own. I would rather look like a servant by taking care of some else's needs before my own, when in reality I know that it is to keep my pride in tack knowing that other people don't know my faults and my weaknesses.

I often pass off guardedness as an excuse to be an observant person. To look like I notice the little things that people do when others overlook them. Except I'm observant to feed my hunger and quench my thirst for being selfless so I can check that off of my "good Christian deed" for the day and to satisfy my self-righteous pride.

Am I being too hard on myself? Maybe. But then again, I'm not called to be a perfect human, or to be a model Christian for non-believers. I'm here to model Christ through life's good times AND life's trials. But how can I do that when I'm so guarded that nobody knows that it was Christ who got me through the bad times because I never let on that I was going through a bad time?

COFFEE

I'm a coffee addict. Maybe not by the pure definition of the term, but I would deem myself one, and others would probably say so as well. How do I know? Well, by addict I mean that I have done a lot of reading on the kinds of coffee beans, how one should properly make coffee, what types of roasting should taste like, and how other countries make coffee. Besides reading about coffee, I have also tasted many a cup of coffee. From Folgers to Starbucks, to local coffee shop coffee, to imported coffees, to hotel room coffee; I think I have tried my fair share. Within the past year, I have even switched to grinding my own coffee beans instead of buying preground. Coffee addict? I think so!

Becoming more gray

As I live my life I realize that coming from a "small town" in Nebraska means that I come from a very sheltered way of life. Everyday my past worldview gets rocked by a snag in my old way of thinking. Issues that I knew were black and white back in my childhood/adolescents have now become shades of gray. And in most instances I find myself changing my mind from a definitive stance to a fence-riding stance. Case in point; years ago I *knew* that I was not prejudice towards anyone for the simple fact that there was not a person to be prejudice to in my thought process. But now, I face the ever tightening clasp of stereotyping to people I haven't talk to or ever met before.

But by far the topic that has caused me the most dialogue, the most thinking, and the most grief is homosexuality. As a kid, I was sheltered from all aspects of this ever-broadening social stigma. I knew from the Bible that homosexuality was a sin, and that God would judge accordingly. But as I've met homosexuals, I find it hard to accept all that I was led to believe about that community. Yes I still believe that homosexuality is a sin (taken directly from the Bible), but as a kid, I was led to believe that I wasn't to have anything to do with homosexuals. My upbringing was that they were a form of untouchables, people you don't even associate with because they're "marked". But now, after being around more and more homosexuals, I realize that I need to be around them and to love on them, just as much as any sinner. I think though, that some christians have gone too far in accepting them and thinking there is nothing wrong with homosexuality. I'm still in lieu about whether homosexuality is a choice or by birth, but I do know that it will become even more of a gray subject in the years to come as homosexuality becomes more socially acceptable.

Duplication through disciplemaking

I've recently been thinking about discipling and what all that entails. I've had the great pleasure of having two really great disciplers so far. In high school, my youthpastor, Gerald discipled me. My second was in my first two years of college with Chase. Both of them took time to invest in me personally and weekly for my spiritual well-being. As I've had time to mull over the time I've spent with each, and now I'm looking to the task of being a "discipler" myself, I now know that disciplemaking is truly a serious task.

In high school, Gerald set the standard for me of reading the Bible daily and praying. Indeed, most of what I do now has stemmed from my high school days. Gerald also passed on his passion of digging under the surface of scripture into me, causing me to read and reread passages. Chase instilled in me how to apply what I've read and how to cross-reference passages. Both also taught me things outside of how to read the Bible. I've been taught how to convey christian ideals to non-christians, what it looks like to be a member of the body of Christ, and what it means to be a christian in today's society. All of these ideas have been crucial to my walk with God and I thank God that I had two very godly men in my life to learn from.

The learning didn't stop there. In both cases, I have picked up some of their other passions and "habits" as well. With Gerald, I became enthralled with Old Testament knowledge, for it the OT is the backbone for how we perceive the New Testament. Chase has passed on his love of prayer to me. Prayer is the vehicle through which we not only talk to God, but it is also how God works in a very physical way in our lives. While these passions are still biblically founded, I also have received their more secular vocabulary usage. Gerald's vocabulary was out of the ordinary, in that, I found myself going to the dictionary to find the meaning of the word. Chase's vocabulary was the epitomy of college-speak. Other things that I took from them were the love of Monty Python and Seinfeld(Gerald), appreciation of christian rap (Chase), and the joy of roadtrips (both Gerald and Chase).

However, I'd be remiss if I didn't talk about the negative ramifications of spending time watching a discipler in action. Since we are sinful men, we cannot be wholeheartedly (in flesh and spirit) be Christ-like models. We live in a fallen world, and we are fallen ourselves. With this in mind, a discipler can (and will) model things with a skewed view. This is the crucial stage wherein one must be careful and ever-dependent on God to provide the right view.

In light of all of this, God STILL commands us to "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”

Weddings

So I've been to two weddings within the past two weekends. Since both were christian weddings, I've really had a chance to think about how God can, does, and will work through marriage. Not only is the actual process of getting married a spiritual act of worship to God, but the minutes, days, years, decades IN marriage is itself worship. I've known this, but within the past few weeks, I think it's become more clear to me how worship takes place especially in the wedding. Just hearing from the pastor about how marriage is like Jesus taking the church as his bride, and the prayers for God to use the marriage to bring glory to Him, and the body of believers coming together to support the couple.

God's calling

2 weeks ago, I attended Main Event, a Nav conference for college students to dig into the Bible. Drew Frazer, keynote speaker, talked heavily about God as the true vine (John 15:5). Throughout the weekend, Drew noted various passages where Jesus was surrounded by people. While we know for sure that Jesus always had 12 disciples following him that were christians, the rest of the crowd was primarily non-christian. As we began to look at these passages, I saw time and time over that whatever the situation, someone from the crowd always ended up prostrate at Jesus' feet. For that person to acknowledge that Jesus had power over them, and over their lives, I think falling to their knees was the only course of action that would have been suitable.

How does that look today? I surely cannot physically fall to my knees in front of Jesus. And honestly, I can't come to Jesus through prayer alone. I need the Holy Spirit to aid me in my humbleness. For without the Holy Spirit in me, my body is as unclean as it was when I first entered this world.

Suicide

This past weekend I received word that a senior in high school back home committed suicide late Saturday night. I personally did not know him, nor any of his family, but I knew of him and his family. But from what I've been reading/hearing is that he was a tremendously great guy and a friend to many. Another thing that sticks out in his [short] life, is that he was involved in a few christian activities. Whether he was indeed a christian or not is up to God. But hypothetically speaking, why does God choose to let his own people have the capacity to feel as if they have nowhere to turn, but to take their own life? Why does God ultimately let some carry out the deed, and yet let some decide not to go through with their thoughts? In my own mind, I cannot fathom why God wants to use people through their death, and others through their life. I fail to see what God sees in an individual as worthy of living to tell their "near death experience" to others and yet predetermine that He will use a person's death to glorify His name. I still have so many questions about suicide that I doubt I will ever know, but I pray to my God and Saviour, Shepherd and Light, that He will continue to reveal His plan for my life. ~John 10:10 "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. "

College students and the local church

I've been in a state of unrest on my stance of the said title. For the past 3 years and some odd months, I've been attending a local church that has since become my "home church away from home". When I started attending this church, I was one of about seven college students, and about fifty people that consisted of families and elderly couples. Now, however, the ratio has shifted. The church is forward minded, in the sense that it has contemporary music, and a "small town" atmosphere about it. Because of this, more and more college students have sought out this church: to the point that the college-aged population of the church far exceeds that of families and elders. While it's nice having so many familiar faces from school, I'm sad to say that it leaves very little true interaction between non-college students and myself. The rest of the congregation feels overwhelmed and, at times, I feel as if they don't see the point in interaction because of the ever-changing faces. For me, I see the local church as an opportunity to learn from the body of believers who are not in the same stage of life as I. I see knowledge and wisdom in my elders that I often don't see in my peers. And yet I can't get to that knowledge and wisdom in a church dominated by college students. And so I find myself in a spiritual quandary. Do I stay and perservere amid the "masses" of college students, or do I uproot from what I've come to know and love, only to shop for another church that would only be my home for another year and half?

Singleness

So about 3 weeks ago, I posted on my xanga account (www.xanga.com/servantofstrength), and now that I reread it, I think it's worthy to go onto my blogger site; which serves for my more personal and heart-felt posts... posts that aren't just happy-go-lucky posts that recap what my week/day consisted of. So here is my post.

Last night was a milestone for me. I realized that I'm still somewhat bitter about being single. The only thing that's changed over the years is how well I'm able to mask that bitterness. All of today I went over and over my reasons for staying single. At this point in my life I can really only come up with a couple. School was one and the other was I'm still not ready. I've grown out of my 'not confident enough' excuse and I can't say that I still think girls have cooties (even though they do). What brought this about? Last night I hung out with Linda and her little cousin Grace. Grace is 2 years old and she was fun to watch. But as I watched Linda and Grace play together, I couldn't help to think about my current state of singleness. I wanted something more than myself... insert "relationship stuff" here. Today I had to remind myself that I'm still in school, not living on my own, don't have a consistent pay check, not on my own insurance, and probably most importantly I'm not physically/mentally/spiritually able to be the "man" of a relationship. Physical meaning I'm currently not the bread winner. Mental meaning I still make poor decisions for myself, so what makes me think I can make the right decisions for someone else. And spiritual meaning that I still need to work on my relationship with God before I can come up beside someone and encourage them to follow God. And so I continue on tonight, knowing that it will be several more years before I will be able to cross some of those convictions off of my list.

Maturity

So, yesterday was my birthday...the big 21. I went out and had 2 drinks at Buffalo Wild Wings. But while my friends and I were there, we all realized how many people were there to get sloshed... and on a Monday night. Granted it is dead week, where school is at a minimum and there is room for excess partying, but we just couldn't believe that students would get trashed at the start of the week, especially if they had just spent the weekend partying. It was then, that I realized that we, as christians, are called to maturity. Not only spiritual maturity, but also physical maturity through the way we act in public. Titus 2:2 says "Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love, and in endurance." And later on in verse 6, Paul goes on to write that we are to be examples to the younger [men/believers] through "doing what is good...showing integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned". We are to be responsible with the things God has given to us...and this was very clear last night when I was drinking.

Justification

All I can say, is that since spring break, I have begun to see a change in the way I see things in the Bible. Thanks to Gerald, my understanding of justification and the implications that go along with it have totally changed my view on God for the better. Just reading through Philippians I have seen things that I would have missed. Philippians 3:7-11, for instance says

But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes through faith in Christ - the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.

In these few verses alone, I saw justification written all over them. "That I may gain Christ"...how? Through the power of his resurrection; specifically his resurrection from the dead. For the longest time, my view of Jesus was that he died for my sins on the cross. While that is an amazing thing, after talking with Gerald, he made me realize that Jesus' death on the cross really meant nothing without the resurrection from the dead. Having mastery over the earth and sin Jesus was raised and gave [to those of us who have trusted in him] a part of himself to us- which is the Holy Spirit who works and wills in us. Before I really knew what the resurrection meant to me I thought that because Jesus died, my sins were forgiven, but they were still a reality in my life... and that by believing that Jesus died for my sins, he took those sins on himself. But for me, it ended there. It ended without a new beginning, so to speak. However, this passage says itself that I too can be risen from the dead with Christ and therefore giving me new creation. With that new creation in Christ, I can now "become more like him" and that is an amazing thought.

Valentine's Day remarks

So yesterday was all-in-all a pretty good day. Not only did I receive two suckers, but I was able to give too. Yesterday as I was out and about town, I realized that being a single christian doesn't have to mean I don't give a present to a girl. Rather, I could use my money- money if I were in a relationship that would go towards dates and presents- to girls that I know who are single and in Christ. I have friends that are girls that clue me in to the fact that if you're a female and single on Valentine's Day, it can be very rough. So, I took an opportunity of being single to benefit my sisters in Christ. I gave girls presents that they would not have gotten and I hope by doing so, I will have encouraged them in their singleness... that they don't have to look towards boyfriends to supply happiness, but to know that the body of Christ supports them. I also wanted them to reassure them that by being their brother in Christ I wanted to just thank them for guarding their hearts and minds and my way of saying thanks was through the presents.

Act Like Men

This weekend I had the opportunity to hang out with 'da boys' from Crusade and Navs. This is an annual event we call Man Maker. Good times were had by all, but more importantly, many (including me) learned a lot about growing in our faith and becoming a man. Our key verse is from 1 Corinthians 16. Verse 13 in the ESV says "Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong." I memorized this verse at National Conference in 2002, but I memorized it because of the 'stand firm in the faith' part. Now, three years later, I have a completely different outlook on the verse. I really like how the ESV says "act like men". For me it carries more weight and digs right down to the core issue.

Praise and Worship

Why have I been so enthralled with learning more about the process of large format sound systems? Today in church as I was singing praise and worship songs along with the rest of the congregation, I think I stumbled onto something. But first I need to go back [roughly] two days from today.

Thursday night started the annual Navigator Start of Semester Prayer Launch. Twelve hours of one-hour shifts of pure prayer is the format that gets us through. It went from 7pm Thursday night to 7:30am Friday morning. (A brief aside ... I stayed awake all twelve hours fulfilling an agreement I made with Brian, and also to walk the ladies, who had braved the cold, back to their respective dorm/house.) But at 6am Friday morning, those who wanted to, came back and we closed the Prayer Launch out with an hour and a half of pure meditative worship to God.

Friday night (after getting a few hours of sleep), I showed up to Nav Nite and sat up the sound equipment. After successfully sound checking the band, it was time to start. I assumed my now normal position behind the soundboard and proceeded to enjoy the praise and worship, ever-so-often tweaking the knobs as I saw fit.

Finally, today in church, I sat amongst the congregation awaiting the start of church, when I noticed how many musically inclined people Grace Chapel truly has. Abel Sisco, who has been the church music director/lead guitarist, is in his own right a very talented musician. Case Maranville, who's apart of the band Casting Pearls, will soon be taking over for Abel. And two of the four Zach brothers of Remedy were in attendance today.

So what does all of this have to do with my fascination of sound? I finally realized that, for me personally, music that proclaims God as my creator, supplier of life, saviour, and lord over my life ... truly lets me worship and glorify Him. So for me, by learning how to do the sound, will ultimately bring others another form of worshipping and communicating with God. Psalm 69:30 says "I will praise God's name in song and glorify Him with thanksgiving." And again Psalm 100:2 says "Worship the Lord with gladness; come before Him with joyful songs." God wants us to give Him the glory at all times ... even in song.

More to ponder

I watched a special on FoxNews tonight about the separation of church and state. I was at first really happy they were doing it, cuz they actually took the christian stance for once, but then I realized that it wasn't accomplishing anything because they weren't getting to the root of the problem...God. It got me thinking again about apologetics and how I need to continue to sharpen my skills of not just arguing my thoughts, but bringing in God and His truth.

Down to business

So I think I'm gonna use this site as more of a personal journal rather than public hearsay. So my first true post in this format will be short. How will I turn to God over Christmas break? Will I continue to put off my quiet times, or will I be diligent in keeping a time set apart to dive into His word? I know in my heart, I want the second choice, but I am weakminded often times and do not live out of fear of my God. In reading "The Pursuit of Holiness", I am finding out that I do need to take charge in finding time to bask in His glory and not give into my fleshly desires.

Last Nav Night

So today marks the last Nav Night of the semester. Crazy how that works. I'm excited for the FC Christmas Party. Let's just say we have a few "pass on the tradition" gifts for this years freshmen.

I'm in...

I came to the realization that I spend time on the Internet, not only surfing, but reading other people's blogs. I find this extremely puzzling because I do not blog myself. Plus there's that whole thing of receiving and not giving. So in an attempt to right this situation, I have decided to start my own blog.